Monday, 8 April 2019

5 Years in Recovery

This was the first year that I have gotten a week into April without remembering the April that changed my life, the April that I fell to rock bottom, the April that I lost my secrets and the April that I started my journey in Recovery. It has been five years since that April, five years of blood, tears, hard work, failures and achievements and it has been five years of fighting, finding my voice and never shutting up about Mental Health.

Five Years ago today on Tuesday the 8th April 2014, I was in my sixth day of being in general hospital and was waiting for a bed within an adolescent psychiatric hospital. I remember believing I was just going home but in reality, I was just one day away from being taken to a hospital in Cambridge where I spent the following months. It was a horrendous time in my life but we're not here to dwell on the past, we're here to celebrate five years in recovery and all of the achievements that has come with it.

I'm going to be honest, it hasn't always felt like recovery and it is only the past six months that have felt somewhat worthwhile but it has been five years of medication, therapy and honesty that has contributed to getting me where I am today - still a mess, but a little less of a mess than before.

One of the biggest milestones that I really doubted I'd meet was turning 18, my 18th probably wasn't your typical 18th, but I had my family and friends beside me and it was better than I could have imagined and despite not thinking I'd make it to 18, here I am at 21 years old.

I attempted Sixth Form, which may not seem like an achievement considering I dropped out, going back to the same school that I had spent five years at, that I had to miss the last six months of Year 11 at was a big deal because now everyone knew me as the 'crazy girl' and I was constantly smothered and babysat by teachers despite being 16, 17 and even 18 years old at the time.

I got my first job, which I lasted at a year and then after a month off work, I got my second job which I am still at now, three and a half years later and although it has been hard at times, I know that working has definitely improved my mindset and has often been a good distraction from my head.

I have been with my boyfriend for over three years which has been so essential in my recovery and I definitely wouldn't be where I am today without him.

In five years, I have seen Olly Murs more times than I can count and have met him three times (does that count as an achievement?)

I also started this blog in 2016 which has been one of my biggest achievements because it is my own space to write about mental health that others can read and relate to, I have had so many lovely comments from people reading my posts.

Elle has been in my life for five years and we have made our friendship work in a healthy and positive way and we're just as close now, if not closer than we were as room neighbours on the ward.

I decided to go back to College despite the fear of failing again and not knowing anybody on my course and am getting good grades for the first time in well over five years.

I have a conditional offer for my top choice University and will be starting my journey on becoming a Mental Health Nurse in September.

Finally, I am around about one year free from self-harm which is the longest I have ever gone since starting seven years ago.

It may not sound like a lot of achievements for five years, but it is more than I could have imagined and hopefully there will be more to come. I think that five years is a good time to cut off the past and therefore, unless I do an in depth post, this will probably be the last I talk about my psychiatric hospital admission as it is time to close that chapter. I am sure that the next five years will fly by just as quick as these years did and I am intrigued as to where I will be then. Onto Chapter 3: the future.

Thank-you for reading, Tay x


  1. Hey!! Nice post. Yes you are right. I have been goes through mental illness. That was really worst time of my life. In the last I got regular counselling sessions from a Psychotherapy in West London


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