Friday, 28 September 2018

U P D A T E | September 2018

It actually pains me to say that it has been six entire weeks since I last posted on my blog.. where has that time gone? I thought that today I would do a little bit of a life update as quite a few things have changed.

Firstly, I have officially completed my first four weeks at college and somehow, my attendance is 100% which is something that I haven't maintained since I was 15. I would be lying if I said that it hasn't been a massive challenge but I am so determined because I feel that this is my final chance of getting an education. However, saying that, I am aware that there are a few different upcoming dates where I won't be able to attend college such as when I go to Disneyland and because I have a tattoo next week, both of which were booked before I knew my timetable but I am just hoping that I will be able to keep my attendance above 90% as this would be a massive achievement for me. The course itself is hard, its stressful and the workload is crazy. I was told in my Interview that the course is essentially three A-Levels in 9 months but I still wasn't really prepared for how much work there is. I am studying the Science for Health Practitioners course which means that it is mostly Science based and mostly at AS Level, I have never really been a fan of Science and I do find that I have to spend a lot of time doing research to make sure I understand everything but to my own surprise, I am actually enjoying it. I have my first set of exams at the end of October, so I am sure that by the time they come around, I won't be enjoying it as much.

Leading on from college, I am about to start my UCAS application and personal statement which I am dreading because my course is stressful enough as it is. I can't believe that after years of not knowing what I wanted to do with my life and flipping between different career paths that fingers crossed, this time next year I will be a Mental Health Nurse Student. I have decided that if I do manage to get in, then I will definitely be staying at home and studying locally; going away to University was something that hasn't really ever appealed to me and did even put me off going to University for a while as I just didn't think I would get into my local University. I am definitely a homely person and I know that I am going to be having to save as many pennies as I can. I am also not really a drinker, so if I was to go away, I could see myself being the only person staying in my flat whilst everyone else is out at freshers. 

I also attended the Health Bloggers Community Awards in London a couple of weeks ago which was such a good evening. I didn't win the award for my category and it went to the well deserved Sarah from The Growing Butterfly. I am still thrilled to even be shortlisted for my first ever blog award and I spent the following day being a typical tourist in London, visiting museums and dragging my mum on multiple tubes.

I am not sure about how many of you are aware that I joined a gym a few months ago which was going really well until I got busy and often don't have much free time, but I really need to find the motivation to get back in the gym for a few different reasons.. firstly, the weight gain is definitely real, I have been gaining weight since I quit smoking in November last year, but recently it has started getting worse and none of my clothes fit as well as the fact that I feel big in most of my clothes that do fit, which is frustrating, and secondly, because I know that deep down going to the gym and working out does make me feel better about myself, and improves my mindset. Hopefully now that I have written it on here, for everyone to see, I will actually get my arse in gear and do it.

Another exciting thing that hasn't quite happened yet but is happening next week, is the fact that I am getting a new tattoo. It has been booked for a few months now and it is by Poppy Small Hands which I am so excited about as I have spent years looking at her work, especially her scar cover ups and I just can't wait to have a new piece. Like my previous tattoo, this one is actually on what I call my 'nice piece of arm' where I don't have scars but hopefully soon I will be able to start on some scar cover ups.

Talking about scars, I have spent the majority of this year despising my scars and for the first time, I genuinely believe that I am over Self Harm. I regret self harming more than anything because my arms are so disgusting and I always feel far too self concious to leave the house in short sleeves. However, I have been using the My Trusty Sunflower Face & Body Oil which I got off Amazon for under £10 and has been created by the NHS. Let me just tell you, it has done absolute wonders for my scars, it has faded almost all of them, including the ones that hadn't faded in a couple of years. I am so pleased with the results so far and I am going to be doing a review, I just want to keep using it for a few more months. All in all, I would highly recommend if you're struggling with scars or wanting to fade them.

Medication is another thing that has been really up and down. I have been trying to come off one of my medications; Sertraline for six months yet and I just cannot get off of it. I was advised to reduce it by 50mg every one to two weeks but instead, am having to cut it down by 25mg around every four to six weeks which is so frustrating. I was really surprised that I am finding this medication so difficult to come off as it is so widely used and I hadn't really heard of anyone talk about the withdrawal symptoms. However, after six months of headaches, sickness and feeling like I have both the flu and a really bad hangover, I am just about down to 50mg which means that I am making progress, even if it is taking a little while longer than expected.

Another thing that has been a bit up and down is the fact that I was discharged from Mental Health Services a few months ago. I have been so worried about getting re-referred but I haven't had any incidences and therefore haven't had to see any health professionals which I am really pleased about. I feel that although I was so hopeless when I first was discharged, it isn't much different because I rarely had appointments anyway. One of the only downsides, is that because I don't have any professionals to talk to, I do sometimes keep quiet because I don't really want to burden everyone else who may be struggling themselves which I know is really unhealthy. However, I also haven't had to ask for support at College and have only had a couple of wobbles which I feel is such a huge milestone for me. I think that if I do end up needing support, I will be able to access it but at the moment, I am just trying to settle in, find the right balance between work and college and hand in all of my work on time.

Lastly, the other thing that I wanted to talk about was the fact that Disneyland is slowly approaching and there is now only 35 days away! I am so excited and I think it'll be such a needed break from college. I have also never been to Disneyland Paris so I am excited to spend a few magical days in the parks and all of the Christmas decorations and merchandise will be about.

I could honestly go on all day about all of the things that have happened recently, but I will leave it there and I should hopefully be back to uploading a bit more regularly.

Thank-you for reading, Tay x
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