Sunday, 27 May 2018

Discharged from Mental Health Services after Six Years | NSFT

On Wednesday of last week, I got discharged from the care of my local Mental Health Team. To most people, this would be such an incredible achievement and it would be a positive milestone, an occasion to celebrate and an indicator that you're well enough to live your life without the support of the service. Saying this, my discharge was a little different and I can't help but feel a little confused and let down. 

To be entirely honest, I missed my appointment as I overslept and I had had to rearrange an appointment a couple of weeks before due to being away and I completely understand that the service is under pressure and have a huge demand but I got discharged over the phone and told that I was being handed back over to my local GP. I also got told that the paperwork wasn't going through until Monday, which I am guessing means Tuesday due to the bank holiday, so I can contact the service until then if I require any support. 

I absolutely hate missing appointments, I text my case manager to let her know that I couldn't make my appointment on Wednesday due to oversleeping and within that text, I did say that she can feel free to discharge me because I felt like I was wasting resources however, every professional that I have seen within the past six months have been hinting and offering a discharge from the service to me, doctors who I have never met before have told me that maybe I'd manage better outside of the service. I can't help but feel like within NSFT, it is out with the old and in with the new. They claim that there is nothing more they can do for me yet I had a psychology assessment and the outcome was that I am not currently ready to engage in therapy, yet I am more than ready to be left alone without any support?

In my last medication review, a couple of months ago, discharge was discussed and I expressed my concerns regarding discharge and I made it very clear that if they are going to discharge me, I will not be coming back into the service because I don't want to be in a service that no longer wants me and claims that there is nothing more that they can do. Another concern I have is that my medication is currently under review, I am reducing a certain medication that I am on, 25mg at a time in order to start on a new and more effective medication. I am already noticing some of my previous traits coming back and starting to control my life again but what am I supposed to do about it? I can either continue to reduce my medication and risk my well-being getting drastically worse or I can increase them again however, this could be a problem if the medication has already been taken off of my prescription. I have been left without any guidance at all, especially surrounding my medication. I presume that I could go to my local GP for a medication review but he knows absolutely nothing about me, he doesn't know what intentions the doctor had for reducing my medication, he doesn't know which medication I need to go on and chances are, that if I go to the GP, he'd tell me that either he hasn't received the paperwork of my discharge, or that I would have to go back  to the service for a medication review, and getting an appointment at my Doctors Surgery is like trying to find the end of a rainbow.

I am not even too annoyed over the discharge, as I know that they've been wanting to get rid of me for months, I am mostly pissed off that I got discharged over the phone, back to my GP without any advice given in regards to my medication or what to do if I am struggling. I was told that there is a three month period of re-referral so that if I feel that I need to go back into the service, I have three months to get re-referred by my GP. How about fuck off? I would much rather have to deal with my problems myself than go back into a service that abandoned me in the first place, when I needed them most. Throughout my time within the service, I have had to suffer and struggle alone the majority of the time anyway, so how much damage can it really cause?

Having said this, I feel like it is important to note, that my lack of attendance for appointments was not just my fault, it was a mix of both my worker and myself having to rearrange and I don't think workers really understand how difficult it can be to drag yourself out of bed, into clothes and then have to do an hours journey to reach the location of your appointment, when you're having a bad day. Home appointments are available, but it seems that they're only available if you say when you book the appointment that you'd like it to be at home. I have also had numerous occasions where I have had something come up, so I have text my worker asking to rearrange, days in advance to not get a response until an hour before my appointment is scheduled for, which I am sure is written down as me not turning up.

The entire service is in absolute shambles and half of me is relieved to be out of it, but I also know that I am not ready to be discharged and the thought of having to struggle on my own makes me incredibly anxious. We will just have to see how things go and hope that my mindset doesn't go downhill, because I really don't know where I would turn for professional support. 

On Wednesday of last week, I got discharged from the care of my local Mental Health Team, they gave up on me and left me without support, as though I was nothing more than a lost cause, as though I am not fixable, I'm too broken, too damaged and they don't know how to help me. Their solution was to discharge me, and hope that things don't get bad again, they also probably hope that I don't speak out about my experience of getting discharged but what more do I have to lose?

Thank-you for reading, Tay x


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